


Inappropriate Batwings and Assorted Boarding School Hazards

by Satchelfoot



Category: The Chronicles of Chrestomanci - Diana Wynne Jones
Genre: Boarding School, Cats, Epistolary, F/M, Magic-Users, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 08:35:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17076959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satchelfoot/pseuds/Satchelfoot
Summary: A selection of correspondence between Millie, former Goddess, and Christopher, future Chrestomanci.





	Inappropriate Batwings and Assorted Boarding School Hazards

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kyrenne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrenne/gifts).



What follows is a sampling of letters written between Millie, erstwhile Living Aspect of Asheth, and Christopher Chant, the young man who was later to marry her and also take on the title of Chrestomanci. The documents contained herein are by no means exhaustive; in fact, many of the letters are missing altogether, so that Mille and Christopher at times refer to matters detailed in letters that are still missing from the record as of this writing. Both parties aver that they would never throw out each other’s letters and so the missing missives must be somewhere, but, given the size of Chrestomanci Castle and the quantity of cluttered belongings gathered there, it is reasonable to doubt whether more letters may be found within the next century. Despite the somewhat disjointed sequence, we hope you will enjoy this glimpse into the young lives of two of the most powerful enchanters of modern times.

Dearest Christopher,

Gosh, school is ever so much more wonderful even than I dared expect! I have a top bunk bed—a real bed in a real dormitory, Christopher! The other girls are simply lovely, especially the prefect, Hilde. I’m sure that she and I shall get on just splendidly—she is quite a mischievous thing, and has already got us all out of bed for a midnight supper. The headmistress quite terrifies me, but I knew from the books to expect severity in school authorities. Oh, everything is so splendid! No book could ever have prepared me! Do give my love to Gabriel and all the rest, especially my handsome Throgmorten.

Yours very fondly,  
Millie

My dear Millie,

I am happy to hear that you have got off to a good start at school. I wish I could convince Throgmorten to share my sentiments, or indeed convince him that you are ever coming back at all. He blames me for your disappearance, even after you and I both told him in so many words that you were going of your own free will and fondest wish, and he spends whole days either trailing me around the castle yowling to wake the dead, or hiding under dressers and behind tapestries so that he may take a swipe at me when I least expect it. I would put him out of doors like an ordinary cat, but that would obviously do no good with this one. Flavian is very kindly teaching me some charms against injury by small animals, but who knows if they will be any use against a cat as powerful as Throg? Please come visit as soon as may be, if only for the benefit of my poor, abused ankles.

Yours most sincerely and painfully,

Christopher 

My dear Millicent,

What do you mean by telling me that you caused another girl to grow batwings from her underarms? It sounds as if she was quite beastly to you, and I thoroughly despise her for it, but you shall draw far too much attention to yourself if you cannot control your magic. I would never betray you to Gabriel, but you must know that he will find out by other means sooner or later if such strange things continue happening at your school. Isn’t there anything in the _Millie_ books about bullies receiving comeuppance through more conventional means? Go get her, by all means, but do be careful about it, and do not let the inevitable rivalries impede your studies.

Your exasperated  
Christopher

P.S. Throg has actually not attacked me in a week. I cannot tell if he is learning genuine respect for my vulnerable flesh or merely devising some new torture for me.

Young Chant,

You may rest assured that I am familiar with the hazards inherent in the excessive use of my abilities. And I do not require reminding that my studies must be utmost among my concerns. Tell me, how are your transfiguration skills coming along? Have you yourself been studying hard all day, every day, or do you ever find yourself skiving off? I would be deeply sceptical if you denied that you sometimes find yourself faffing about with dear Mordecai of an afternoon. The cricket green can be rather tempting in autumn, I am sure. I, meanwhile, am now head of the class in both history and geometry, and the headmistress has begun hinting that I might be in consideration as a prefect next year. I wish you likewise satisfying fulfillment in your own practical and academic pursuits.

With the utmost respect,  
Millicent

Loveliest Nitwit,

Of course I forgive you for taking so long to write me back. Never fear, I am not cross about either that or our earlier disagreement—I know that you worry terribly about me, you dear, though you really shouldn’t. I am glad to hear that you have redoubled your studies since receiving my last letter—how exciting, a lone apple grown into a mature tree in five minutes flat! If I did not love geography so dearly, I might envy you your learnings.

You will be pleased to know that Greta’s batwings disappeared the day after they appeared. However, most unaccountably, the cap became unscrewed from her ink bottle whilst she was carrying her bookbag between classes. She swears it was on tight when she put it in there, but these things do happen. Nothing unusual about it. Still, what a frightful mess! Dear, dear, we must learn to be careful with our belongings.

Your affectionate  
Millie

Dearest Millie,

I am quite driven to distraction waiting for you to come home for the hols. The entire Castle is so lovely and festive, but it will not be complete until you are here to share it with.

I’ve seen little of Gabriel lately. Last we spoke, he told me that a family by the name of Nostrum has been attempting to pick up some of the Wraith’s old business ties and establish a new trade in dragon’s blood and other foolish, dangerous items and practices. I learned a little more from Mordecai: it seems almost every year someone uses the cheer of the season as a cover for some sordid nonsense. I am not looking forward to the day when I must be the one to sort out such things. And yet, at the same time, I very much am looking forward to it. Quite odd. I think you’ll understand what I mean, you and Gabriel and perhaps no one else.

I hope all goes well in the end of your first term. I told Throg you are coming home soon, and he has been almost sociable ever since.

Yours as ever,  
Christopher

Darling Christopher,

It is finally today! The last day of term! We have all grown so tired of each other and yet we are now so sad about leaving one another for two whole weeks. Greta, of all people, ran over to give me a tearful embrace, and now I have begun to feel almost bad about the batwings and the ink. Perhaps we shall be friends after all.

But that is quite enough of that. Very soon indeed I shall see you and Gabriel and Mordecai and Rosalie and, best of all, my beloved Throg! I am sure he shall tell me if you have mistreated him, you beast, so do try to be good until I arrive. My heart is already on the train and racing towards you.

All my love,  
Millie


End file.
